So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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