you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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