You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
