there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
