The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
