I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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