im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
