the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
