I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
