why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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