He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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