My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
