I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize