You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
