I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
