The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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