he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
