Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
