You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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