I'm lost and stupid without you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
