I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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