Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
