Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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