i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
