Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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