highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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