She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
