What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
