He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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