Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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