Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
