I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
