Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
