and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize