I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
