She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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