that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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