we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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