She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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