I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
