I bet he comes in French.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
