my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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