Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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