Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
