They should really pass out barf bags in church
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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