You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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