I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
