The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
