I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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