the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize