Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
