ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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