Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I didn't shave. On purpose
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
