god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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