I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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