if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
