Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize