I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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