Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found puke in my bra..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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