You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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