If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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