That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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