Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
