your parents love me but you hate me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
