I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize