the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
