You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
