I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
