The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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