I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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