how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
