The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
