my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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