I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
