Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize