just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
