Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
3pm strippers are depressing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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