there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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