I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
