i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
