I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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