I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
