This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
