I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
