You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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