Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
