did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
