maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
