I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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