WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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