Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
