She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
