You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
