We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
