So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
