If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
