i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
