Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
