I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The air taste purple.
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