Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
