I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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