and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
