WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I deserve to be covered in dicks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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