So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
